I really enjoyed the story Meg. It's a wonderful mixture of sweet, absurd, and funny. It feels fable-like. I think I can see why the editor might have rejected it for the ending. It's tidy which all fables must be. But tidy, much like jelly donuts can feel like empty calories. I know how hard it is to rethink a story after it's set in our minds, especially after so much time has gone by. I don't think you can just change the ending without making some tweaks throughout. If you can set another theme in motion early, perhaps a darker one, it might add some complexity that gives you better options for an ending.
One idea to consider: while you've established this piece as magical realism, consider adding a few more grams of realism. Do the donuts have to disappear or does she have to learn to accept them? How has she possibly lived any semblance of a normal life with them on her fingers? How does she use her phone?! Maybe exploring some of these real and ordinary problems will give you a way to counterbalance the sweet/tidy/magical energy of the story and yield a more complex/nuanced ending that will satisfy the editor.
Hey Meg, here are some unvarnished thoughts to dispose of as you wish:
1) One possibility is that story ends with "And she prayed that he would. Prayed he would survive long enough to answer her call when she was ready to go home."
In this telling, the story would be about the girl making her own way, deciding how she wanted to navigate the world with her unique condition, and would leave it open-ended enough for the reader to make their own dreaded "conclusion."
I think the reason the final stanza maybe doesn't fit is because it takes a sharp turn into a romance story. But I -- a daft reader -- don't get the sense the girl pines for love or acceptance in the early parts of the story. Her parents love her to the point where they sicken themselves for her benefit. In that context, it's not clear enough -- to me -- that she's after connection. You do give a few lines about how nobody saw her for anything except donut hands girl, but maybe it'd help if you showed her being rejected or mocked. Explain why she never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, or how they always dumped her because they were freaked out. Also, why wouldn't she hide her condition from a young age (e.g., Elsa in Frozen)? And are there no other outcasts she could have bonded with as part of some misfit crew? Maybe even they decided she was a "freak."
2) The other possibility is to leave the ending as is, but then incorporate some of the ideas mentioned above to make the romantic ending feel "earned." The story might work better if her love interest materializes after constant rejection earlier on, for example.
Either way, I think this short story might do better to focus on one key theme -- either I'm gonna make my own way and figure it out, or I'm gonna find someone who sees and loves the real me.
This feels a little like cheating: we’re told the story has a problem, so we have to come up with a reason to explain it. But I’ll take a swing and stick with the donut metaphor. I am shown a donut (this story) and it appears that it might be filled with the most delectable cream filling. But when we finally put it to our mouth and taste it (the ending), it’s just standard grocery-store donut cream: not terribly nuanced, just sweet.
Now, I’ll just play it straight: for me, the ending simply doesn’t live up to the promise. I think the idea that this girl has a quality that exerts such power over other people is really evocative, and it speaks to our sense that we wish people would see us for who we really are. That idea feels really strong ... and yet the ending just feels too easy. She just stops growing donuts? That’s all there is to it? It doesn’t address the beating heart of the story well enough. Is there an ending that better addresses the question of how she goes about being loved for who she really is?
It's a wonderfully told story, Meg! For the ending, I would go back to the beginning and visit your promise to the reader. She is different, disabled so to speak, and can't accept her station in life. By the end I expect that she must learn to live with her malady, perhaps even embrace and lean into it. Instead of meeting the cabbie, what about meeting a failing coffee shop owner that makes great coffee, but is a terrible pastry chef, someone who absolutely adores what she is by her nature. It's quite possible that this perfect pairing allows love and the growth of other delectable treats from her fingers, like small eclairs or chocolates. She realizes the loneliness is holding her back. Together the couple is complete and finds success.
Feedback rejections are the best! It means your writing is good and you just need to adjust the nature of the story being told. Congratulations on getting that feedback 😀
I was overjoyed to see this story pop up again! It's always been my favorite of yours, and I actually like the ending. As I've been noticing lately, we have a lot of the same writing tastes, so ending the story how you did was perfect for me, which makes me highly unqualified to give feedback. But if you really do want to revise this story, I think I would agree with what Amran said about ending the story sooner. Cutting out the little 'epilogue' section leaves the rest of the story open to more interpretation, and if you're not aiming for the 'epilogue' ending, then it will probably be easier to adjust the rest of the story. I don't know, those are just my random thoughts. Just know that if you do decide to do some rewriting, I'd love to read the new version!
Loved this story! The premise is fun and introduces us to a magical version of reality with a clear problem and a protagonist we root for. Your writing style is smooth and fun, too. However, the ending does not satisfy because our heroine doesn’t learn anything. She gets rid of what makes her special to be with a guy! It feels like the premise/theme is about accepting yourself. I think she needs to love herself in the end and maybe add in some magical element there to bring it full circle? Maybe the magical element makes it so they can be together? Maybe her donuts are actually made from almond flour and that’s the secret to their deliciousness?! LOL
Reminds me of the film Penelope about the girl born with a pig nose looking for a man to love her as she is, but the curse is only lifted when she realizes she loves herself!
In fable fashion, that there is a moral to the story, the lesson to be learned could be the realization that everybody has donuts. Maybe not necessarily just on their finger tips, but somewhere. Perhaps on the end of their noses or their ears, or even the tops of their heads. And then the idea is to see past what everyone else 'senses', culminating in some kind of 'love conquers all' osmosis that promises to omit the word "recoiled' when describing a love connection.
Okay, admittedly I'm probably no help at all but I did enjoy the story. (smiley-face thingy)
Meg - enchanting story. My feedback may not be so helpful. I don't get into short stories but read this one all the way through with interest. My question to you is: does the current ending convey what you want it to convey? If it does, then the hell with them aside from whatever compliments in the rejection. It's a rejection. I found the story to be layered and complex and you have said more in what you haven't said. Now if you get twenty more rejections all complaining about the ending, that's another thing. But my understanding is that it's just one, even if it's by committee. That's my two cents. Kind of reminds me of the Magic Gloves in A WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP. Tim
I’m not sure I have much more to offer than the feedback you’ve had here, but I want to encourage you for being brave and asking for feedback in such a public way... and congratulate you for a really wonderful champagne rejection and for making your goals happen! You are a force, and even if this version of DFs doesn’t land with one publication, that doesn’t mean it won’t land with someone else. You’re amazing Meg!
First-time lurker here. What a creative and whimsical story. Everything in the story flows well despite what Stock Fiction might provide. It seems you had the elements of sacrifice, change, and hope in the two primary characters as they neared the climax. Even if you consider it a copout, the Hollywood ending never fails. Perhaps as she meets the driver at the end she explains to him that after the donuts disappeared she consulted her doctor. He advised that the donuts were gluten-free all along. Growing them back is no longer a problem.
Wonderful story, Meg! Kept me engaged and reminded me of an Aimee Bender story that I love (I love all her work). If you do decide to adjust the end I think you have many good suggestions to work from! Nice work!!
Meg, this is an incredible story. I loved it from start to finish, its absurdity...all of it! Out of curiosity, how many publications did you submit it to? Even though the story didn’t work for this particular editor (well, it sounds like it mostly did), I feel like it has a very good chance landing somewhere else.
I didn’t read all comments/feedback, but I do agree with what Amran said above. On my first read I initially thought the story ended here: “And she prayed that he would. Prayed he would survive long enough to answer her call when she was ready to go home.”
The ambiguity might work for a piece like this simply because it will allow readers to fill in the conclusion -whether it be light or dark- on their own.
That’s all I have. Excellent stuff, Meg! I hope you give it another shot somewhere else.
The feedback here has been phenomenal so far!!! Keep it coming!!!
I really enjoyed the story Meg. It's a wonderful mixture of sweet, absurd, and funny. It feels fable-like. I think I can see why the editor might have rejected it for the ending. It's tidy which all fables must be. But tidy, much like jelly donuts can feel like empty calories. I know how hard it is to rethink a story after it's set in our minds, especially after so much time has gone by. I don't think you can just change the ending without making some tweaks throughout. If you can set another theme in motion early, perhaps a darker one, it might add some complexity that gives you better options for an ending.
One idea to consider: while you've established this piece as magical realism, consider adding a few more grams of realism. Do the donuts have to disappear or does she have to learn to accept them? How has she possibly lived any semblance of a normal life with them on her fingers? How does she use her phone?! Maybe exploring some of these real and ordinary problems will give you a way to counterbalance the sweet/tidy/magical energy of the story and yield a more complex/nuanced ending that will satisfy the editor.
Hope this helped a little. Good luck!
Hey Meg, here are some unvarnished thoughts to dispose of as you wish:
1) One possibility is that story ends with "And she prayed that he would. Prayed he would survive long enough to answer her call when she was ready to go home."
In this telling, the story would be about the girl making her own way, deciding how she wanted to navigate the world with her unique condition, and would leave it open-ended enough for the reader to make their own dreaded "conclusion."
I think the reason the final stanza maybe doesn't fit is because it takes a sharp turn into a romance story. But I -- a daft reader -- don't get the sense the girl pines for love or acceptance in the early parts of the story. Her parents love her to the point where they sicken themselves for her benefit. In that context, it's not clear enough -- to me -- that she's after connection. You do give a few lines about how nobody saw her for anything except donut hands girl, but maybe it'd help if you showed her being rejected or mocked. Explain why she never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, or how they always dumped her because they were freaked out. Also, why wouldn't she hide her condition from a young age (e.g., Elsa in Frozen)? And are there no other outcasts she could have bonded with as part of some misfit crew? Maybe even they decided she was a "freak."
2) The other possibility is to leave the ending as is, but then incorporate some of the ideas mentioned above to make the romantic ending feel "earned." The story might work better if her love interest materializes after constant rejection earlier on, for example.
Either way, I think this short story might do better to focus on one key theme -- either I'm gonna make my own way and figure it out, or I'm gonna find someone who sees and loves the real me.
This feels a little like cheating: we’re told the story has a problem, so we have to come up with a reason to explain it. But I’ll take a swing and stick with the donut metaphor. I am shown a donut (this story) and it appears that it might be filled with the most delectable cream filling. But when we finally put it to our mouth and taste it (the ending), it’s just standard grocery-store donut cream: not terribly nuanced, just sweet.
Now, I’ll just play it straight: for me, the ending simply doesn’t live up to the promise. I think the idea that this girl has a quality that exerts such power over other people is really evocative, and it speaks to our sense that we wish people would see us for who we really are. That idea feels really strong ... and yet the ending just feels too easy. She just stops growing donuts? That’s all there is to it? It doesn’t address the beating heart of the story well enough. Is there an ending that better addresses the question of how she goes about being loved for who she really is?
It's a wonderfully told story, Meg! For the ending, I would go back to the beginning and visit your promise to the reader. She is different, disabled so to speak, and can't accept her station in life. By the end I expect that she must learn to live with her malady, perhaps even embrace and lean into it. Instead of meeting the cabbie, what about meeting a failing coffee shop owner that makes great coffee, but is a terrible pastry chef, someone who absolutely adores what she is by her nature. It's quite possible that this perfect pairing allows love and the growth of other delectable treats from her fingers, like small eclairs or chocolates. She realizes the loneliness is holding her back. Together the couple is complete and finds success.
Feedback rejections are the best! It means your writing is good and you just need to adjust the nature of the story being told. Congratulations on getting that feedback 😀
This won’t be helpful, but: just because this ending didnt work for this editor, doesnt mean it wont work for another editor.
I was overjoyed to see this story pop up again! It's always been my favorite of yours, and I actually like the ending. As I've been noticing lately, we have a lot of the same writing tastes, so ending the story how you did was perfect for me, which makes me highly unqualified to give feedback. But if you really do want to revise this story, I think I would agree with what Amran said about ending the story sooner. Cutting out the little 'epilogue' section leaves the rest of the story open to more interpretation, and if you're not aiming for the 'epilogue' ending, then it will probably be easier to adjust the rest of the story. I don't know, those are just my random thoughts. Just know that if you do decide to do some rewriting, I'd love to read the new version!
Loved this story! The premise is fun and introduces us to a magical version of reality with a clear problem and a protagonist we root for. Your writing style is smooth and fun, too. However, the ending does not satisfy because our heroine doesn’t learn anything. She gets rid of what makes her special to be with a guy! It feels like the premise/theme is about accepting yourself. I think she needs to love herself in the end and maybe add in some magical element there to bring it full circle? Maybe the magical element makes it so they can be together? Maybe her donuts are actually made from almond flour and that’s the secret to their deliciousness?! LOL
Reminds me of the film Penelope about the girl born with a pig nose looking for a man to love her as she is, but the curse is only lifted when she realizes she loves herself!
In fable fashion, that there is a moral to the story, the lesson to be learned could be the realization that everybody has donuts. Maybe not necessarily just on their finger tips, but somewhere. Perhaps on the end of their noses or their ears, or even the tops of their heads. And then the idea is to see past what everyone else 'senses', culminating in some kind of 'love conquers all' osmosis that promises to omit the word "recoiled' when describing a love connection.
Okay, admittedly I'm probably no help at all but I did enjoy the story. (smiley-face thingy)
This story was the reason I subscribed to your newsletter. Glad it’s back.
Meg - enchanting story. My feedback may not be so helpful. I don't get into short stories but read this one all the way through with interest. My question to you is: does the current ending convey what you want it to convey? If it does, then the hell with them aside from whatever compliments in the rejection. It's a rejection. I found the story to be layered and complex and you have said more in what you haven't said. Now if you get twenty more rejections all complaining about the ending, that's another thing. But my understanding is that it's just one, even if it's by committee. That's my two cents. Kind of reminds me of the Magic Gloves in A WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP. Tim
I’m not sure I have much more to offer than the feedback you’ve had here, but I want to encourage you for being brave and asking for feedback in such a public way... and congratulate you for a really wonderful champagne rejection and for making your goals happen! You are a force, and even if this version of DFs doesn’t land with one publication, that doesn’t mean it won’t land with someone else. You’re amazing Meg!
First-time lurker here. What a creative and whimsical story. Everything in the story flows well despite what Stock Fiction might provide. It seems you had the elements of sacrifice, change, and hope in the two primary characters as they neared the climax. Even if you consider it a copout, the Hollywood ending never fails. Perhaps as she meets the driver at the end she explains to him that after the donuts disappeared she consulted her doctor. He advised that the donuts were gluten-free all along. Growing them back is no longer a problem.
Wonderful story, Meg! Kept me engaged and reminded me of an Aimee Bender story that I love (I love all her work). If you do decide to adjust the end I think you have many good suggestions to work from! Nice work!!
Meg, this is an incredible story. I loved it from start to finish, its absurdity...all of it! Out of curiosity, how many publications did you submit it to? Even though the story didn’t work for this particular editor (well, it sounds like it mostly did), I feel like it has a very good chance landing somewhere else.
I didn’t read all comments/feedback, but I do agree with what Amran said above. On my first read I initially thought the story ended here: “And she prayed that he would. Prayed he would survive long enough to answer her call when she was ready to go home.”
The ambiguity might work for a piece like this simply because it will allow readers to fill in the conclusion -whether it be light or dark- on their own.
That’s all I have. Excellent stuff, Meg! I hope you give it another shot somewhere else.
Gah! Are you kidding me? I love this Meg! <3 <3 You are a gift. This was a late night read, and I'm going to sleep with joy.