Love the rhythm and free-flowing nature of the poem, Meg. I dig it! It brings me back to the fresh and funky feel of 90s hip hop. Maybe a group like Digable Planets. Here’s one of my favorites by them, “Where I’m From”.
Part rap, part song, part broken sentence stream of consciousness. Kind of how I normally think. 😉🤣
Very nicely done. I often find rhyming in poetry a little lame, but here they were so idiosyncratic and unexpected they enhanced rather than detracted from the reading experience.
As for my favorite line, I'd say the opening: dear mystery. There's a universality to it, but I don't recall ever seeing it so clearly delineated.
This reminded me of Jack Kerouac. I could hear it spoken over a muted trumpet playing abstract jazz.
You had fun with this, Meg, and it shows. Stand out phrases: "it dawned on me I haven’t slept ..." "my attributes predetermine my value " "I want it unwashed unpolished untamed ..." "the window is small if you blink you might miss it". And my favorite: "you’re only young once dammit so what". I had a relationship like this once, eons ago. I remember being mostly exhausted all the time.
these lines particularly hit home:
can you say that again?
once more from the gut
I know what it means
but not if you mean it
don’t clean it
what a thought, to share without self-censorship. when did it all become so anti-septic? here's to returning to the mud.
Incredible! I loved this. I'm saving it to come back to again and again. It does have a 90s sensibility that hits me in the feels. You are a talented poet in addition to being an incredible fiction writer.
"Dear mystery" is a great first line.
Taking it in.... A little more with every read... I think you should read it to us.
Dear Meg, another wonderful piece! I totally craved hearing you speak it though - since it was an Open mic?
Stunning... Each word, line and photo, stunning
Excuse the comment here on another matter. Your advice to me about part 2 of The Room was so helpful! Thank you for the time you took to comment. I knew I didn't have it right so I have unpublished it. I deleted a lot and am re-working the rest. I will republish only when I can feel proud of it. Thanks again, for your generous help.
Thank you, Meg. I will take you up on that!
Nice rhythm...thanks for sharing