Hmm, yeah, lots of interesting stuff going on in there. Would I read on? I think maybe I would ... because I want to see how they go about escaping being turned into swans. The moment they become swans, I’m out!
I like where it ended! Me not continuing reading would have nothing to do with not liking the story... I want it to be complete right here and now. Interesting how many of your stories are taking a turn for the speculative. I wonder if anyone in your close nit community of amazing, talented authorly friends has anything to do with that. Most assuredly. Also, because I can't shut up, I'm jealous of the Fictionistas meetup. Lots of folks said they really enjoyed it, and that likely has something to do with the organizer. Your organizationally skills might bring me back.
Would I continue? Probably. Sure! But! I’d be hoping that the boy erased his last line, too. Wrote something like “tricking some rando to let me feel her up” and that he has all the bad things written down because HE LIKES BEING CRUEL! And of course the first half is her being blinded by his charms and not realizing he’s a “stinker, not a keeper.” But that the arc for her is not “finding a good guy that restores my faith in humanity” but “getting to know a complete asshole let’s taught me I’m no saint and maybe you don’t have to be perfect to be worth saving” ha! That’s how I’d write it.
I agree with Brian in that I think the current ending is perfect. Adding more to the story would feel like too much to me, but I’m a big fan of ambiguous endings with enough hints at a likely outcome.
Finally got to this. Expertly written and superbly paced. I really dug it.
As the opposite of a hopeless romantic, I do struggle with the instant spark concept, but it didn't take me out of the story. That said, I dig Wil's idea that the kid winds up being a psychopath. His flirting with the flight attendant feels like his true characterization, like how you can judge people based on how they treat workers in the grocery store or at restaurants.
Would I keep reading? Yes, because the voice is excellent, but no, because the ending seems neatly tied up. Overall, hard yes, I'd keep reading. But if this was a prologue or first chapter, I'd prefer a bit more of a cliffhanger at the end. Something not just ambiguous, but perhaps threatening. As it reads, I fully expect them to become swans and mate for life. That's a great ending! It just also feels very definitive.
Meg, I do like the story as is, but I think it works well as a prologue, too. The writing is beautiful and flawless as always, and I would without a doubt continue reading. The relationship interests me, and I’d like to figure out what happens next with the characters. But honestly, the overall premise of the story is what would make me come back. I love the setup and I’m super intrigued about the backstory. I can totally see you drafting this into novel form. I hope you give it a whirl and see where it takes you!
Stellar story! 🙌
Your stories sparkle on the page, Meg. Every one I read is better than the one before and I find myself saying, "I want to write like Meg Oolders writes. And I want to write like Jim Cummings writes. ( https://jimcummings5251.substack.com/p/as-marie-might-say-762) I am working on it.
Loved this ending. It works perfectly well as a short. But if it had to be a prologue or a chapter, go with a chapter. I want to see chapter 2 turn our humans into goblins.
This quote in particular resonates; it’s beautifully written: “I feared everyone and everything because it was easier to hide from the world than live in it or try to make it better.” This is the post-Covid syndrome. Everyone’s got an excuse
I loved this one! The story feels complete as is, I don’t think it “needs” to continue. Even so, I’d be very interested in a sequel, if it ever comes. Or have you already published it and I missed it?