Love the rhythm and free-flowing nature of the poem, Meg. I dig it! It brings me back to the fresh and funky feel of 90s hip hop. Maybe a group like Digable Planets. Here’s one of my favorites by them, “Where I’m From”.
Thank you, Justin! I have been listening to the 90s nostalgia station a lot lately. Perhaps it seeped into my subconsciousness soundtrack. Thanks for the music rec, too! I love when people hand me cool stuff to listen to.
Very nicely done. I often find rhyming in poetry a little lame, but here they were so idiosyncratic and unexpected they enhanced rather than detracted from the reading experience.
As for my favorite line, I'd say the opening: dear mystery. There's a universality to it, but I don't recall ever seeing it so clearly delineated.
Yay, thank you! I'm with you on rhyme. It can be distracting, and when it's even a tad stretched or forced it just brings down the whole piece. I'm actually (ahem) pretty good at rhyme, so expect to be impressed when I write my first limerick series over here. 🍀
"dear mystery," yes. Came out of nowhere and I went with it. Glad to hear it made an impression!
Thanks, Ross! I actually considered calling this "beat poetry," but after looking it up and reading a bit about the movement, I worried I wouldn't be doing it justice. Cool that you thought of Kerouac though, as he was a big part of that whole scene. And that you heard jazz. Another reader heard hip hop. I heard both, which is why I opted not to include an instrumental track for folks to play in the background. I wanted to leave that part up to the reader. 🎷🎵🎧
You had fun with this, Meg, and it shows. Stand out phrases: "it dawned on me I haven’t slept ..." "my attributes predetermine my value " "I want it unwashed unpolished untamed ..." "the window is small if you blink you might miss it". And my favorite: "you’re only young once dammit so what". I had a relationship like this once, eons ago. I remember being mostly exhausted all the time.
Incredible! I loved this. I'm saving it to come back to again and again. It does have a 90s sensibility that hits me in the feels. You are a talented poet in addition to being an incredible fiction writer.
Thank you, Sherman! You're the second person to highlight the first line. The best first lines, in my opinion, are the ones the author spit out by chance and then never once considered changing. 🙂
Thank you, MJ. I considered recording a voiceover, but I was so self-conscious about my voice!!! I worried the fire wouldn't come through if I was hesitant or nervous. Perhaps I'll bring this one back in audio form sometime. I titled it Open Mic 1 because I hope to write more of these when the inspiration strikes. And as with real open mics, more practice often brings more confidence. 💜
I have read one my poems live, it was the most amazing feeling! I’m sure you’ll feel the same when you’re ready to do so! Some pieces, with that wonderful beat and rhythm, definitely deserve to be heard!
Excuse the comment here on another matter. Your advice to me about part 2 of The Room was so helpful! Thank you for the time you took to comment. I knew I didn't have it right so I have unpublished it. I deleted a lot and am re-working the rest. I will republish only when I can feel proud of it. Thanks again, for your generous help.
I've unpublished and reworked things, too. I'm glad my comments sparked some ideas for you. And if you want me to give anything a read ahead of posting, my inbox is always open: stockfiction@substack.com. 🙂
Love the rhythm and free-flowing nature of the poem, Meg. I dig it! It brings me back to the fresh and funky feel of 90s hip hop. Maybe a group like Digable Planets. Here’s one of my favorites by them, “Where I’m From”.
https://youtu.be/sl-pjb7y3y0?si=FuHC8Mva_4kgFNQS
Thank you, Justin! I have been listening to the 90s nostalgia station a lot lately. Perhaps it seeped into my subconsciousness soundtrack. Thanks for the music rec, too! I love when people hand me cool stuff to listen to.
Oh how relative the phrase "90s nostalgia" is. For some of your readers, the 90s were just yesterday afternoon.
It's Spotify that calls it nostalgia. The 90s are still in my back pocket in terms of reachability. 🙂
Ahh, I love 90s music. It’s easily one of my favorite decades to listen to. Well, wherever this poem came from...more, please!
Part rap, part song, part broken sentence stream of consciousness. Kind of how I normally think. 😉🤣
That must be highly entertaining. 🙂
It has its moments. 😉
Very nicely done. I often find rhyming in poetry a little lame, but here they were so idiosyncratic and unexpected they enhanced rather than detracted from the reading experience.
As for my favorite line, I'd say the opening: dear mystery. There's a universality to it, but I don't recall ever seeing it so clearly delineated.
Yay, thank you! I'm with you on rhyme. It can be distracting, and when it's even a tad stretched or forced it just brings down the whole piece. I'm actually (ahem) pretty good at rhyme, so expect to be impressed when I write my first limerick series over here. 🍀
"dear mystery," yes. Came out of nowhere and I went with it. Glad to hear it made an impression!
This reminded me of Jack Kerouac. I could hear it spoken over a muted trumpet playing abstract jazz.
Homeraker ftw!
Thanks, Ross! I actually considered calling this "beat poetry," but after looking it up and reading a bit about the movement, I worried I wouldn't be doing it justice. Cool that you thought of Kerouac though, as he was a big part of that whole scene. And that you heard jazz. Another reader heard hip hop. I heard both, which is why I opted not to include an instrumental track for folks to play in the background. I wanted to leave that part up to the reader. 🎷🎵🎧
You had fun with this, Meg, and it shows. Stand out phrases: "it dawned on me I haven’t slept ..." "my attributes predetermine my value " "I want it unwashed unpolished untamed ..." "the window is small if you blink you might miss it". And my favorite: "you’re only young once dammit so what". I had a relationship like this once, eons ago. I remember being mostly exhausted all the time.
I did have fun with this one. Thanks for noticing. 🙂💜
these lines particularly hit home:
can you say that again?
once more from the gut
I know what it means
but not if you mean it
don’t clean it
what a thought, to share without self-censorship. when did it all become so anti-septic? here's to returning to the mud.
🥂Thanks, Samuel. Agreed Re: mud. We're often the most truthful and unabashed in our grungiest moments.
Incredible! I loved this. I'm saving it to come back to again and again. It does have a 90s sensibility that hits me in the feels. You are a talented poet in addition to being an incredible fiction writer.
Thank you for these kind words, Jason. I'm glad this little ditty captivated you.
"Dear mystery" is a great first line.
Thank you, Sherman! You're the second person to highlight the first line. The best first lines, in my opinion, are the ones the author spit out by chance and then never once considered changing. 🙂
Taking it in.... A little more with every read... I think you should read it to us.
Oooo..... sinking in.....
Dear Meg, another wonderful piece! I totally craved hearing you speak it though - since it was an Open mic?
Thank you, MJ. I considered recording a voiceover, but I was so self-conscious about my voice!!! I worried the fire wouldn't come through if I was hesitant or nervous. Perhaps I'll bring this one back in audio form sometime. I titled it Open Mic 1 because I hope to write more of these when the inspiration strikes. And as with real open mics, more practice often brings more confidence. 💜
Thank you so much for reading!
I have read one my poems live, it was the most amazing feeling! I’m sure you’ll feel the same when you’re ready to do so! Some pieces, with that wonderful beat and rhythm, definitely deserve to be heard!
Stunning... Each word, line and photo, stunning
Thank you for this generous comment, Alixandra. And for visiting. 💜
Excuse the comment here on another matter. Your advice to me about part 2 of The Room was so helpful! Thank you for the time you took to comment. I knew I didn't have it right so I have unpublished it. I deleted a lot and am re-working the rest. I will republish only when I can feel proud of it. Thanks again, for your generous help.
I've unpublished and reworked things, too. I'm glad my comments sparked some ideas for you. And if you want me to give anything a read ahead of posting, my inbox is always open: stockfiction@substack.com. 🙂
Thank you, Meg. I will take you up on that!
Nice rhythm...thanks for sharing
Thank you for reading, Rosana. 💜
Meg: There are so many lines that I like it's had to choose one, but this is one I love;
I want it unwashed unpolished untamed like a billowing flame that stays
cool at the center
Don't stop.
Rob in Yautepec
Cheers, Rob! Thanks for reading and sharing.
No plans to "stop" but can always use the reminder. Thanks again!