Tee hee. You could always create two more Substack accounts under pen names so you could vote for all three. Either way, thanks for the vote of confidence. 🥂🙂
"...purebred and of the line of Canis Extraphalus," "...forged in the titanium mines of Malus." This is so funny. Thanks so much for not explaining - it's a bonus for the educated reader.
"... five inexplicably hot, clean-shaven, twenty-something, billionaire business tycoons with acute nymphomania-induced agoraphobia. " If Ms Bratz requires a TA, I will do it for $20 an hour. I pay her.
Right on, Meg! Perfect snark. Wattpad Verticals! What is this platform's demographic, any way? Seventeen year old virgin girls? Bored young housewives? Women in their sixties who still hold out hope?? Are these the only type of stories that can be "monetized"? (God I hate words like that.) Sounds a bit like writer prostitution to me. Or... is this only ONE of the genres that Wattpad promotes? What am I missing?
Re: the demographic - I think all of the above. Romance has always been the big seller over there, much to the chagrin of sci-fi/fantasy authors. Now it seems as long as you have 2 or 3 species engaging in some kind of copulatory ritual that you can keep up for 2 or 3 hundred "chapters" - you have a winner! Honestly, the trends become so overdone so quickly. Right now, it's ALL wolves, professional athletes, and billionaires. And those guys aren't really my type. 😂
Still, inter-species sex is one of my favorite themes to write about. I wasn't aware of it until I checked back on my sci-fi stories and noticed six of them included alien copulation of some sort. These things seem to be hidden down in the deepest sections of our little grey cells.
Just do what the guy from American Fiction did. Pretend to yourself that you’re writing it sarcastically. We won’t know the difference, but will enjoy the book😂
That's where I was headed with Home Raker. I actually think that book would have real teeth. I think about it a lot and even used the protagonist as my subject for all the craft work I did in my summer writing class. Now, it's just a matter of SETTING THE TIME ASIDE to get to work!!!!
To be honest, I liked them all. They brought a smile to my face as I thought: Maybe being a dirty old man isn't such a bad thing, after all, I'm still young at heart!
Oh my god! They can't even call them what they are...categories! And shitty categories at that. I wish I could laugh, and you did an excellent job of saying f'you with this your pitches, but I am afraid this just depressed me. By the way, really enjoying your podcasts!
Oh, this stuff crushes my soul. You're not alone there. Sometimes, I wish I could just wake up and be the kind of writer that is willing/able crank out trash for cash, but unfortunately, I have an oversized moral compass and a nagging need to be who I am, at GREAT expense to my career. 😂 Lucky for YOU, you've found your sweet spot genre that makes you happy AND makes many readers happy, too. 💜I'll find mine one of these days. And it will be such a RELIEF!
Thank you for indulging in the podcasts. Are you enjoying them so much you might consider being a guest someday??? I'll take my answer off the air - unless you just want to tell me here. 😉
Yes, I would glad to be a guest someday, if only to provide an example of the highs and lows of that sweet spot for your listeners, as well as the perspective of someone who loves being self-published, loves being able to sell my books as ebooks to my demographic, who really does now prefer digital reading rather than print books.
I'm about to wrap season one and plan to take a few months off during the holidays (too many projects on back burners that need tending), but plan to jump back in at the start of 2025 for Season 2.
Gotta vote for the werewolves, but TBH that golf one is intriguing.
I love these. I'm such an "I transcribe my daydreams" writer that my soul chafes at the thought of "writing to the market." I don't consider it selling out but I'm not that kind of mercenary. Of course I'm not trying to make a living from this stuff.
I was actually thinking about how so many romances have a power imbalance acting as the obstacle that I think so many of these writers must have had a crush on an older guy at some point. I take a rebellious pleasure in making mine pretty much equals.
I'm the same way about avoiding soul chafing. I sometimes envy the writers who can just churn out whatever's in demand in the moment. I just can't do it. But I can write the pitches. I'm assuming at some point; I'll have amassed enough of these to publish a collection. 😂
Yeah ... the power thing is weird. Probably cuz the least healthy relationships make the most interesting stories? At least for "the masses." But for those of us with taste and integrity to boot - it's all about rebellion. 🥂
These are hilarious. My favorite by far is foreplay, I know, not something you often hear from a man. I fear with the increasing presence of AI, the market is only going to become more saturated with these banal, highly specific flavors of shit-lit.
Thanks, Ben. Fore Play allowed for the best Word Play, for sure. So. Many. Golf. Terms.
AI. Enshittification. Dumbification. It's all feeding into the tsunami of poop. The bright side is, I'll never want for satire fuel. Maybe that's how I'll break through in the end. 😉
I have no doubt voices like yours will be in high demand once everyone with a ChatGPT account becomes a writer. It can't do comedy and everything has to be so G-rated it's impossible to create anything that hints at humans touching each other.
What the hell is a "Crepuscular defense lawyer"? LOL Also "billionaire business tycoons with acute nymphomania-induced agoraphobia". Sooo, what you're saying is too much sex scared them shitless and now they're afraid to go outside? Just trying to clarify.
Oh my…what did I just read while snort-laughing & crying out loud while the windows are open and the neighbor dogs began howling along? The cover designs are fun, too. I like the WebToon suggestion made in a previous comment. I’ve never golfed, but am now curious about what is so appealing about the golf thingy culture, which reminds me of a joke that I will keep to myself at the moment. I’ll just channel THAT energy into my vote.
Golfing perfection for the hookers, amateur swingers and weekend hackers. Holes in one, balls with minds of their own and a bit of rough. I shall hunker in the bunker with this pro/am mashup!
PS … honourable mention for ‘Canis Extraphalus’ and the stocking clad cosplay librarian unsettling the agoraphobic nerdy billionaires.
as a librarian, I can verify that we *do* walk in the bound periodicals looking for a secret stash of hot men to put to work for our side hustles on a regular basis
My search history for this one is a hoot. Can't wait for the algorithm to start selling me degree programs in library science with concentrations in lupine studies and golf course maintenance.
It's not fair to make me vote. I love them ALL! My bosom heaved with anticipation as I coyly contemplated which would receive my favors.
Tee hee. You could always create two more Substack accounts under pen names so you could vote for all three. Either way, thanks for the vote of confidence. 🥂🙂
How do you know I didn't?
😂
"...purebred and of the line of Canis Extraphalus," "...forged in the titanium mines of Malus." This is so funny. Thanks so much for not explaining - it's a bonus for the educated reader.
"... five inexplicably hot, clean-shaven, twenty-something, billionaire business tycoons with acute nymphomania-induced agoraphobia. " If Ms Bratz requires a TA, I will do it for $20 an hour. I pay her.
🔥Ha!
Right on, Meg! Perfect snark. Wattpad Verticals! What is this platform's demographic, any way? Seventeen year old virgin girls? Bored young housewives? Women in their sixties who still hold out hope?? Are these the only type of stories that can be "monetized"? (God I hate words like that.) Sounds a bit like writer prostitution to me. Or... is this only ONE of the genres that Wattpad promotes? What am I missing?
Re: the demographic - I think all of the above. Romance has always been the big seller over there, much to the chagrin of sci-fi/fantasy authors. Now it seems as long as you have 2 or 3 species engaging in some kind of copulatory ritual that you can keep up for 2 or 3 hundred "chapters" - you have a winner! Honestly, the trends become so overdone so quickly. Right now, it's ALL wolves, professional athletes, and billionaires. And those guys aren't really my type. 😂
Still, inter-species sex is one of my favorite themes to write about. I wasn't aware of it until I checked back on my sci-fi stories and noticed six of them included alien copulation of some sort. These things seem to be hidden down in the deepest sections of our little grey cells.
Or maybe you should pitch those stories over at Wattpad. 😉 I love your alien love stories. Kathoc Bose is still with me after all this time. ❤️🔥
SOLD! When can we expect the full manuscripts!?
Just as soon as I drop my integrity off at daycare. 😂😂😂
Just do what the guy from American Fiction did. Pretend to yourself that you’re writing it sarcastically. We won’t know the difference, but will enjoy the book😂
That's where I was headed with Home Raker. I actually think that book would have real teeth. I think about it a lot and even used the protagonist as my subject for all the craft work I did in my summer writing class. Now, it's just a matter of SETTING THE TIME ASIDE to get to work!!!!
Lol ~ guess we’ll just have to settle for these brilliant synopses 😁
You had me at W.I.L.F 😂☠️😂
🐺❤️🔥😉
Same!
To be honest, I liked them all. They brought a smile to my face as I thought: Maybe being a dirty old man isn't such a bad thing, after all, I'm still young at heart!
You don't have to be a dirty old man to appreciate cliche fantasy tropes. That's why these stories have all the damned readers!!! 😂
I thought about writing porn once…but something always came up!
Oh my god! They can't even call them what they are...categories! And shitty categories at that. I wish I could laugh, and you did an excellent job of saying f'you with this your pitches, but I am afraid this just depressed me. By the way, really enjoying your podcasts!
Oh, this stuff crushes my soul. You're not alone there. Sometimes, I wish I could just wake up and be the kind of writer that is willing/able crank out trash for cash, but unfortunately, I have an oversized moral compass and a nagging need to be who I am, at GREAT expense to my career. 😂 Lucky for YOU, you've found your sweet spot genre that makes you happy AND makes many readers happy, too. 💜I'll find mine one of these days. And it will be such a RELIEF!
Thank you for indulging in the podcasts. Are you enjoying them so much you might consider being a guest someday??? I'll take my answer off the air - unless you just want to tell me here. 😉
Yes, I would glad to be a guest someday, if only to provide an example of the highs and lows of that sweet spot for your listeners, as well as the perspective of someone who loves being self-published, loves being able to sell my books as ebooks to my demographic, who really does now prefer digital reading rather than print books.
Love it!
I'm about to wrap season one and plan to take a few months off during the holidays (too many projects on back burners that need tending), but plan to jump back in at the start of 2025 for Season 2.
I'll be in touch!!
Sounds good!
I need WILF in my life. Right. Now. If you’re ever in the mood for switching mediums, I’m sure WebToon would love to host a comic or two of this kind.
Ooh. How does WebToon work? Would I just be providing the script? Cuz, I don't draw stuff good. 😂
WILF has a commanding lead in the polls. Maybe I'll venture a first chapter of whichever pitch wins the day. 🙂
Gotta vote for the werewolves, but TBH that golf one is intriguing.
I love these. I'm such an "I transcribe my daydreams" writer that my soul chafes at the thought of "writing to the market." I don't consider it selling out but I'm not that kind of mercenary. Of course I'm not trying to make a living from this stuff.
I was actually thinking about how so many romances have a power imbalance acting as the obstacle that I think so many of these writers must have had a crush on an older guy at some point. I take a rebellious pleasure in making mine pretty much equals.
I'm the same way about avoiding soul chafing. I sometimes envy the writers who can just churn out whatever's in demand in the moment. I just can't do it. But I can write the pitches. I'm assuming at some point; I'll have amassed enough of these to publish a collection. 😂
Yeah ... the power thing is weird. Probably cuz the least healthy relationships make the most interesting stories? At least for "the masses." But for those of us with taste and integrity to boot - it's all about rebellion. 🥂
These are hilarious. My favorite by far is foreplay, I know, not something you often hear from a man. I fear with the increasing presence of AI, the market is only going to become more saturated with these banal, highly specific flavors of shit-lit.
Thanks, Ben. Fore Play allowed for the best Word Play, for sure. So. Many. Golf. Terms.
AI. Enshittification. Dumbification. It's all feeding into the tsunami of poop. The bright side is, I'll never want for satire fuel. Maybe that's how I'll break through in the end. 😉
I have no doubt voices like yours will be in high demand once everyone with a ChatGPT account becomes a writer. It can't do comedy and everything has to be so G-rated it's impossible to create anything that hints at humans touching each other.
Awesome!
Hooray for my gutter brain. 😂
What the hell is a "Crepuscular defense lawyer"? LOL Also "billionaire business tycoons with acute nymphomania-induced agoraphobia". Sooo, what you're saying is too much sex scared them shitless and now they're afraid to go outside? Just trying to clarify.
I addressed your "crepuscular" inquiry via Notes. 🙂
As for the nympho-agoraphobes ... you nailed it. 😉
Where do I sign in to LitMax
Take exit 69 off the Dark Web Expressway.
Leave your soul with the receptionist.
Costumes are encouraged.
⛳
Oh my…what did I just read while snort-laughing & crying out loud while the windows are open and the neighbor dogs began howling along? The cover designs are fun, too. I like the WebToon suggestion made in a previous comment. I’ve never golfed, but am now curious about what is so appealing about the golf thingy culture, which reminds me of a joke that I will keep to myself at the moment. I’ll just channel THAT energy into my vote.
Haha! So glad you (and the neighborhood dogs) were entertained. 😁
And now I'm going to Google WebToon.
🥂
Golfing perfection for the hookers, amateur swingers and weekend hackers. Holes in one, balls with minds of their own and a bit of rough. I shall hunker in the bunker with this pro/am mashup!
PS … honourable mention for ‘Canis Extraphalus’ and the stocking clad cosplay librarian unsettling the agoraphobic nerdy billionaires.
Well played, Barrie. Well played. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
as a librarian, I can verify that we *do* walk in the bound periodicals looking for a secret stash of hot men to put to work for our side hustles on a regular basis
Good to hear, Kerry. I wouldn't want to misrepresent the pleasures or perils of the vocation. 😉
Thank you for reading my silliness. 💜
Best Title: Wilf
Best Joke Gatling Gun: The Librarian's Billionaire Brothel
Best Ten Minutes Later Forehead-Slap Realization: Fore-Play
(I say Fore-Play. Chase the moment.)
My search history for this one is a hoot. Can't wait for the algorithm to start selling me degree programs in library science with concentrations in lupine studies and golf course maintenance.
If it's any consolation, my ad recs seem convinced I'm some kind of prepper. Though these bunker prices are nice...