So long as it’s written by YOU with your signature snark, I’d read the duck out of #1 — but plot twist w the necromancer friend required: either she’s a Jason Bourne style programmed assassin or her husband’s lover or both, and she needs to have a pet who turns against her at a vital moment… also “Em Eaulders”? YES!!!
I laughed out loud at all of these but Home Raker eeks out a win for me. It’s simultaneously the trashiest sounding airport novel and at the very top of my reading list! Though, you’ve got to write it with the same irreverential self-awareness as you did the synopsis 👌
I was all in on Home Raker until I got to Say My Neighm. I'm a sucker for a doomed, forbidden romance and simply must know what happens to those wild, young, interspecies lovers.
It was only a matter of time before we discovered your weak spot for man/horse love stories. If you're lucky, it'll win the poll and then maybe you'll get something nice for your birthday.
I read the synopsis for Say My Neighm and my immediate thought was that I wouldn't even be surprised if that became a kindle unlimited best seller 😂 all of these are simply wonderful, though, Meg! You write a mean synopsis!
Thanks Claire. It all makes me want to write such an off the wall book, just to see what happens if I throw it out into the world. Kindle unlimited best seller seems like a good racket. 😂
Hahaha! It was a toss-up between Say My Neighm and Home Raker, so I went with the latter. It looks like the two are neck and neck now...I think we’re going to have a photo finish!
Raker seemed to the be the only synopsis that wasn’t written out of contempt, but if it was, too, and I just missed it - well, it’s still the most interesting/readable idea.
I think it was Stephen King who said, "Contempt and humor are first cousins who don't realize they're related until after they get married and have their first child and realize she looks exactly like their mutual grandmother."
Ok, maybe it wasn't Stephen King. Maybe it was nobody. Or maybe it was one of his thirty or so pseudonyms that said it. 😏
YOU ARE SO GOOD! I vote for hottie home raker (sorry I was late getting to it).
And yes despite your insane talent you're not (yet) a best seller. The problem is your standards are too high (sorry you're stuck with yourself and your goodness). Plus it's not porn. Plus, plus you don't have a wealthy sponsor buying out all the SEO + algo machinations for you to be declared a bestseller. I know someone who wrote a book and parent paid people to game Amazon's algo and voila she was a "bestseller" for a month. Now she plasters that everywhere. Yes, a lot of it is rigged. As for the rest there's always porn, erotica and trash romance that sells much better than what you write but it's forgettable. AND you need a different digestive system to put out that stuff...so there's your tradeoff. Keep writing what YOU are proud of. It's beautiful stuff. You are one of the few people I always track...
I have a friend who buys reviews on Amazon, too, and I know it's just not in my DNA to ever take that road. I'm either going to win by serendipity or I'm not going to win. At least not that noisy contest. I'm not opposed to trying my hand at trashy romance. Home Raker is in the lead, so this may just be my ticket to "greatness" after all. 🤩
I've considered everything, Timothy. 🙂 These were so fun to write and have me thinking about expanding at least one of them into a serial (satirical) novella. Stay tuned....
So long as it’s written by YOU with your signature snark, I’d read the duck out of #1 — but plot twist w the necromancer friend required: either she’s a Jason Bourne style programmed assassin or her husband’s lover or both, and she needs to have a pet who turns against her at a vital moment… also “Em Eaulders”? YES!!!
🦆!!
Ooh, I can see Nona Sensina stroking her evil cat, Mephisto, from her necromancy lab now.
And Em Eaulders is my favorite, too. It's me ... but not me.
Thank you so much for reading, Amy! 💜
Reading the synopsis took me back to reading Mrs. Caliban by Rachel Ingalls, with maybe some Geek Love vibes? GREAT BOOKS. :)
Aha! Have you just given me my first comp title? I'm checking it out from my library immediately. 🙂🥂
I laughed out loud at all of these but Home Raker eeks out a win for me. It’s simultaneously the trashiest sounding airport novel and at the very top of my reading list! Though, you’ve got to write it with the same irreverential self-awareness as you did the synopsis 👌
Thank you, Ross.
I'm hoping Home Raker wins the poll. That drug store impulse buy could write itself!
I bet it would be an absolute blast to write, too!
I was all in on Home Raker until I got to Say My Neighm. I'm a sucker for a doomed, forbidden romance and simply must know what happens to those wild, young, interspecies lovers.
Incredible post.
It was only a matter of time before we discovered your weak spot for man/horse love stories. If you're lucky, it'll win the poll and then maybe you'll get something nice for your birthday.
Gah, I change my pick to Home Raker! 🤣 The horse one was just so strange I was dying to see how you’d set it up! All of these would be hilarious.
Ha! Thanks Alexa. Maybe they'll be tied in the poll, and I'll have to write first chapters for both of them! That would be a fun problem to have.
Like it!
Thank you!
I want more HOME RAKER all the way!
"...indestructible patriarchy and irreversible death...."
"...after an ample amount of attention from Annabelle, Timothy spontaneously combusts..."
" A tour de France"
This is so f****g funny. Well, and it also shows the kinds of books you READ. Good to know.
No, Sharron. It shows the kinds of books I WANT to read. Which is why I MUST write them myself. 🙂😏
And I have supreme confidence in you. Go Meg.
They all made me laugh out loud, but I had to pick #2 for obvious reasons.
Obviously. 💜
I read the synopsis for Say My Neighm and my immediate thought was that I wouldn't even be surprised if that became a kindle unlimited best seller 😂 all of these are simply wonderful, though, Meg! You write a mean synopsis!
Thanks Claire. It all makes me want to write such an off the wall book, just to see what happens if I throw it out into the world. Kindle unlimited best seller seems like a good racket. 😂
The historical fiction riff kills. Who knew the 18th century was populated entirely by clones of two incredibly dull people?
Thank you! And who knew you could get pregnant by paying a guy too much attention? Oh wait, that one we did know. 😏
Am I allowed to choose all of them? So damn funny! I was laughing start to finish. 🤣
GO BACK AND VOTE! ANYTHING BUT THE HORSE ONE! 😂😂 It's in the lead and I'm terrified of having to write a horse romance for you people. 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha! It was a toss-up between Say My Neighm and Home Raker, so I went with the latter. It looks like the two are neck and neck now...I think we’re going to have a photo finish!
So weird, I was just about to make a similar post to this... for Rod Grasper!
My vote is on 3
Nice. Good luck with your pitch post. The title itself is... uh... grabby. 😂
This was hilarious! You really captured essence of it all!
Thanks Jason! Glad you found it entertaining. 😜
My first paid subscriber / donator specifically asked me NOT to use his name.
Raker seemed to the be the only synopsis that wasn’t written out of contempt, but if it was, too, and I just missed it - well, it’s still the most interesting/readable idea.
And your name is fine! Speaking as someone who published under a pseudonym, regretted it, and now regrets using his real name for my current stuff.
Do I get to know your regrettable pseudonym? Or must I guess it?
You have a good strong name. Like a cowboy. You should be proud to put it on anything you write. 🤠
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B087NJ47CS/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1692719010&sr=8-1
Last story. My name is supposed to be an amalgam, but I forgot a letter!
I meant anagram!
I went to the link and it's a Chuck P. collaboration. I didn't see you!
I think it was Stephen King who said, "Contempt and humor are first cousins who don't realize they're related until after they get married and have their first child and realize she looks exactly like their mutual grandmother."
Ok, maybe it wasn't Stephen King. Maybe it was nobody. Or maybe it was one of his thirty or so pseudonyms that said it. 😏
YOU ARE SO GOOD! I vote for hottie home raker (sorry I was late getting to it).
And yes despite your insane talent you're not (yet) a best seller. The problem is your standards are too high (sorry you're stuck with yourself and your goodness). Plus it's not porn. Plus, plus you don't have a wealthy sponsor buying out all the SEO + algo machinations for you to be declared a bestseller. I know someone who wrote a book and parent paid people to game Amazon's algo and voila she was a "bestseller" for a month. Now she plasters that everywhere. Yes, a lot of it is rigged. As for the rest there's always porn, erotica and trash romance that sells much better than what you write but it's forgettable. AND you need a different digestive system to put out that stuff...so there's your tradeoff. Keep writing what YOU are proud of. It's beautiful stuff. You are one of the few people I always track...
Thank you for this, Reena.
I have a friend who buys reviews on Amazon, too, and I know it's just not in my DNA to ever take that road. I'm either going to win by serendipity or I'm not going to win. At least not that noisy contest. I'm not opposed to trying my hand at trashy romance. Home Raker is in the lead, so this may just be my ticket to "greatness" after all. 🤩
Haha! I'll buy home raker for sure :-)
PS. That kind of "greatness" is overrated.
My vote went with #3. Say My Neighm.
The introductions in the first paragraph alone delivered your own special spoonerism brand.
- "...her stable hand..." ( He ?) Oh right, Bastien !
Have you ever considered publishing a collection of stories just like these?
I've considered everything, Timothy. 🙂 These were so fun to write and have me thinking about expanding at least one of them into a serial (satirical) novella. Stay tuned....