35 Comments

Get it out of your system and then bend all your efforts to ignoring as much of it as possible.

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Aww... But where will I find fuel for my vitriol? Don't tell me I need to start making fun of my actual friends. That's not what we want. ;-)

P.S. You're a good influence.

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The first time I saw the term "thought leader" I thought they were being derisive. Little did I know it's supposed to be a GOOD thing. Silly me; I've been doing my own thinking all along!

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Thinking for yourself??!! What's the world coming to? 😉

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This was awesome. You must have been cringing during research. Glad you got your humor mojo back. 🥰

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Ha! Thank you, CK. The research wasn't so bad. I'd seen it all before by nature of being a female in her 40s. But looking for the stuff on purpose threw a lovely shot of jet fuel at the algorithm behind my Instagram feed. It's been nothing but shapewear-encased breasts ever since. 😂

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Oh no! Lots of ads for magical skin cream and gravity defying braziers in your future. Ugh. (Does anyone use the word, "brazier" anymore?)

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I do. 😂

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This was gold, Meg. You managed to tease out and excise every cancerous growth in the influencer apparatus. And in the same post, managed a kind reference to me. Wait, does that make you an influencer or me an influencer? Seriously though, I’m glad my post last week offered you something helpful even without a tip on how to grow your stack and make a $tack. 😉

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Thanks, Ben!

TBH, the shout out was as much an appreciative nod to your talents as it was a palate cleanse for me after writing this tirade. Nice to be reminded there is good to be found on the interweb. If you can navigate your way around the soul suckers.

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I combed this post for a potential schtick for me. I think I’ve got a combo of dumpy dad and gen x who hates ... well, I don’t know, I’m a little stuck there. Do you offer for-fee consulting services? How much to help me sell my soul?

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As your brand consultant, I have to tell you that you've probably aged out of the dumpy dad demographic, given your offspring could be springing their own any day now. I see you more as a purveyor of pastry porn. You don't actually have to "do" anything to the pastry other than film it in the throes of baking. Invest in some quality lighting, a boom mic for picking up ASMR sound bites from your sourdough crust, and an apron that says Hot Grandpa, and you're golden.

I'll email you an invoice for this consultation and an estimate for future branding services rendered. ⭐

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Well, I figured I had the dumpy part nailed anyway ... alas.

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You're too energetic and satisfied with your life to be "dumpy," Tom. Take that as the compliment it's meant to be. 😉No charge for compliments.

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I'll take it! I was thinking of making a bread-making video after your suggestion ... but it's not bloody likely!

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The dumbification of society. Holy Christ, Meg! This is beautiful reporting and hilarious. What a writer you are!

"They are all soul sucking dumpster fires that should be publicly dismantled down to the impotent studs from which they spawned for the betterment of humankind." "It will take next to nothing to convince them. They are idiots."

If this is what it is like out there, I am SO GLAD I never got sucked into ANY kind of social media or Youtube. ( And now, sadly, even Substack is adding to the mayhem.) What a major waste of time IMHO. Life is so short. Who wants to live a pretend life? Not me. You are inspiring.

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Oh, Sharron.

If I've saved one soul from the fiery chasm of media commerce, I've done my job.

Thank you for viewing this one as the cautionary tale it set out to be. :-)

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I really, really want to see how the Vacuity Gold Rush is depicted later on.

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You may have just prompted my first speculative YA novel. 🥂

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I loved every single one of your fiery words, Meg! I’m so tired of influencers and social media in general. Any time I hear one of my students comment about wanting to be an influencer/YouTuber, etc I feel a strong urge to jump out a window. In all seriousness, thank you for this soul-affirming piece.

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Bless your teenager wrangling heart, Justin. BTW, I think you jumping out the window at school would probably go viral if it was caught on camera. Just make sure you take precautions and hire a stunt coordinator. You'll need to be able to walk to the bank to visit all your new money. :-)

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Ha! 🤣 I’ll make sure I jump out of a first floor window. The camera angle is key!

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You can record your Wilhelm scream in post. 😉

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I loved this one! Laughed out loud multiple times, and nodded my head in approval even more times. Thanks for cheering me up, Meg!

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Glad this one brightened your day, Andrei. 🙂

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Influencers in the Wild is still one of my favorite Instagrams. 😁

Yes, Ben is a gem.

I first came across "thought leadership" decades ago, I'm surprised it's been revived, so last century. Please don't let anyone bring back "center of excellence".

(Never ask me about capturing the "mind space" of decision makers. Never )

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So many buzz phrases created for the same human anomaly.

I trust "Influencers in the Wild" documents how insane these people look while attempting to capture their "authentic" selves in fabricated scenarios? I once saw a girl at the beach get her picture taken by a friend about 50 times. Every time she sprawled out all "sexy", the friend would snap the pic, the girl would get up and review it and decide it wasn't up to snuff. Then back down in the sand she'd go. It was the very picture of insanity. But I expect she would caption it, "an amazing day relaxing at the beach." 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Caption would have been "HOT day at the beach", with a fire emoji.

Influencers in the Wild never fails to remove self defeating thought loops. (At least I'm not THAT person. *Phew*.)

The weasel words of white collar work have escaped the office cubicle. It was never meant to happen. The disease was supposed to be kept in-house.

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Too many hilarious phrases to list, but "...rather than harbor highly erotic doomsday scenarios" and "While the clock runs out on the function of your internal organs, rub your hands over your body and say “oh my god” a lot" really hit me in the 🤣🦴 Thanks for saying what we were all thinking, Meg!

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Tee hee. Thanks, Troy.

And you're welcome. 🙂

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Yes, Meg. It was as good for me. Kudos! 👍!

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🥂

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Yes.

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“make a paper mâché school bus for a group of underprivileged youths.” - good story seed this

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Something tells me that story would end very messily. Especially if it rained.

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